The Final Fantasy Epic Stars!
by Sorceress Aeris
Summary: A cute little thing I thought up in a moment of insanity where I am the star of a talk show! Mwahaha! PG-13 due to violence, a crazy alien, and swearing.
1. Episode 1 The Great Sephiroth

The Final Fantasy Epic Stars!  
  
This is the show where I, the acclaimed author, will interview the cast of the great Epics, Final Fantasy, and get their opinion about having to fight crazy lunatics. Today's series will focus on Final Fantasy 7, one of my personal favorites. My name is Danielle, your host, and I hope you enjoy the show!  
  
(Episode one, The Great Sephiroth)  
  
Danielle: I would like to welcome as my first guest, the Great Sephiroth!  
  
(Everyone claps and I get up to shake his hand)  
  
(Sephiroth walks in and sits on the sofa facing my little desk)  
  
Sephiroth: Hello Danielle.  
  
(Danielle blushes)  
  
Danielle: Hello Sephiroth. Welcome to the show. Now, to start off I just have to know, Are you single?  
  
Sephiroth: Yes, I am, but because of this weird little voice in my head who says she is my mother, I am currently not looking for anyone at this time.  
  
(Danielle pouts and glares at Jenova who is working the lights)  
  
Danielle: (mentally) I'll deal with YOU later.  
  
(Jenova gulps and runs off the set.)  
  
Danielle: Little voice..? Would you care to elaborate?  
  
Sephiroth: Sure. The voice I am talking about is the Jenova cells that Hojo pumped into my body as I grew up. It was one of his insane experiments. Because of these cells, Jenova is able to take over my body and do whatever she wants. Like the Nibelheim incident.  
  
Danielle: That sucks. (She glares at Hojo who happens to be working as a camera man at that moment.)  
  
(Hojo gets scared and wets himself)  
  
Sephiroth: You're right, it does, because I really didn't want to kill all those people, especially Aeris, and I really didn't want to summon Meteor. (He looks directly at the camera) Cloud Strife, if you and Tifa Lockheart are watching this, I sincerely apologize for everything and I hope you can forgive me someday.  
  
(Cloud and Tifa are at home watching and they look at each other.)  
  
Cloud: Hell NO!  
  
Tifa: I say we get Avalanche together and kick his ass again!  
  
(Danielle looks at the camera)  
  
Danielle: Avalanche, if you are watching and I know you are, do NOT come up here to engage in combat. I repeat, Do NOT come to engage combat!  
  
(Tifa pouts)  
  
Sephiroth: Well, any other questions?  
  
Danielle: Yes, do you know anything about Jenova?  
  
Sephiroth: Well, I do, but it's kind of a long story.  
  
Danielle: Give us a summary then.  
  
(The audience groans)  
  
Sephiroth: Well, basically, Jenova tried to kill the queen of her world so she could marry the king but she was found out. She was banished and after many years in space, she crash landed here on our planet, which made the Northern Crater. Then she was recued by the Cetra and she turned on them and nearly killed them all. Aeris was the last Cetra....before Jenova made me kill her.  
  
Danielle: Well, how would you like to learn the truth of your past and learn to let go of Jenova so she can't control you anymore?  
  
Sephiroth: I would like that very much.  
  
Hojo: NO! You'll make all my precious data invalid!!!  
  
Danielle: Hojo! Shut up! Be glad I let you live so you could have this job. You are also to NOT engage battle with my next guest. (Looks to audience) My next guest is a bitter rival to professor Hojo and also a great marksman with a gun. As an Ex-Turk, he joined Avalanche to take out Hojo, but I revived the crackpot so he could run my camera.  
  
Hojo: HEY! I am not a crackpot! I am a great man of Science!  
  
(Danielle gets her gun)  
  
Danielle: I told you to shut the hell up!  
  
(Hojo shuts up)  
  
Danielle: My guest also knows much about Sephiroth's past. Everyone, welcome Vincent Valentine!  
  
(everyone claps and I get up to shake his hand)  
  
(He sits on a chair next to my desk)  
  
Vincent: Hello Danielle, it's great to be here today.  
  
Danielle: Hello Vincent. Now, as I hear, you played a big part in the Avalanche mission. Care to explain that?  
  
Vincent: Well, You could say that, I did help alot when It came to sneaking around under Shin-Ra's noses. As you said, my marksmanship with a gun is well known.  
  
Danielle: Now, I'm interested in your appearance, you seem to be sporting a black jumpsuit, a blood red cloak, and a red headband. You have a claw for your left arm and your eyes are blood red. Care to explain your particular fashion interest?  
  
Vincent: Well, My eyes and my arm as well as many other things were done by professor...(He spots Hojo) WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE!?  
  
(Hojo wets himself again)  
  
Hojo: Umm... I'm working...  
  
Vincent: I DON'T CARE WHAT THE HELL YOU'RE DOING! YOU'RE GOING TO DIE FOR WHAT YOU DID TO LUCRECIA, SEPHIROTH, AND ME!!! Chaos! (He changes into his ultimate beast form and eats Hojo then changes back to see me wide-eyed.) Sorry Danielle. Anyway, I'm always feeling depressed, so I chose black and blood red for my color scheme when I chose my ensemble.  
  
Danielle: Umm.... it's ok... remind me not to make you mad. Anyway, I think it sets off your personality very well.  
  
Vincent: Thank you. (he burps) God, I always knew he greased his hair, but how much did he put in this morning!? (runs backstage to quickly brush his teeth and comes back and sits down)  
  
Sephiroth: Thanks Vincent. You saved me the trouble of killing him later.  
  
(Hojo's assistant runs onto the set and runs the camera.)  
  
Danielle: Well, during your tirade, you mentioned a woman named Lucrecia. Care to tell us about her?  
  
Vincent: That's really why I am here. Lucrecia was a scientist and Hojo's wife. You all know how he was a workaholic, so she was very lonely. I met her when I was assigned to guard her, Hojo, and professor Gast on a trip to Nibelheim. We were great friends. Eventually, we became lovers behind Hojo's back. We were thinking of running away together when Hojo came up with the idea that having a baby would bring them closer. She loved me, but she wanted her marriage to work, so she left me. She became pregnant with his child and he began to inject her and the baby with Jenova cells. Lucrecia died when the baby was born. Sephiroth, Lucrecia is your mother. Not Jenova.  
  
(Jenova appears on the set again)  
  
Jenova: Don't listen to him son! They will decieve you! Kill them, especially the girl! Burn this whole place to the ground!  
  
(Sephiroth's eyes cloud over and he raises his Masamune)  
  
Danielle and Vincent: Shut the f%$# up Jenova!  
  
(They shoot her in the head, killing her)  
  
(Sephiroth returns to normal and sits down, staring into Danielle's blue eyes)  
  
Danielle: I need a janitor out here NOW! Reno, Rude, bring your mops, we've got blue blood all over the place.  
  
Reno (over intercom): Danielle, don't tell me you shot another light manager!?  
  
Danielle: Just get out here before it stains my boots!  
  
(Reno and Rude appear and clean up the mess quickly)  
  
Danielle: Thanks guys.  
  
Sephiroth: Jenova's not my mother...?  
  
Danielle: That's right!  
  
Sephiroth: Then that means I don't have to listen to my little voice anymore! I can find a steady girlfriend! At last!!  
  
(Danielle laughs and blushes and Vincent shakes his head)  
  
Vincent: My work here is done. Tell the Turks I love their janitor uniforms. (He walks offstage silently chuckling)  
  
(Reno and Rude run across the stage after him in their Turk uniforms and sounds of battle are heard from backstage)  
  
Danielle: KNOCK IT OFF YOU THREE! (The sounds quiet)  
  
Sephiroth: Danielle, will you go out with me?  
  
Danielle: Sure! That's all for tonight folks! See you next week! Same time, same place when I interview Yuffie Kisaragi and Cid Highwind on Yuffie's increasing Materia thievery. I advise you leave any and all materia in your safes at home folks. See you next time on...  
  
The Final Fantasy Epic Stars!  
  
(Sephiroth and Danielle leave, after kissing, hand in hand)  
  
  
  
Author's Notes: Well, what did you think? All Final Fantasy chars belong to Squaresoft. Danielle belongs to me. (In real life, Sephiroth belongs to me too!!!! ^ . ^ AHHH! Police! Help!!!) Please! Review! If you do, I'll post the next episode sooner! I'll post it anyway though, but inspiration will come faster. Send flames to MellowMoonGirl@aol.com! 


	2. Episode 2 Materia Hunter Yuffie

The Final Fantasy Epic Stars!  
  
Hello, once again, folks to my show! In episode two of my series, we will be interviewing Yuffie Kisaragi and Cid Highwind about Yuffie's increasing Materia theft. I hope you left all materia at home folks! I am Danielle, your host, and this is my show. Enjoy!  
  
  
  
(Episode Two: Materia Hunter Yuffie)  
  
Danielle: Hello everyone! Now, before I introduce my first guest, did you all lock up your materia like I asked?  
  
(Audience nods)  
  
Danielle: Okay then. Seph, stand guard. you never know what she'll do.  
  
(Sephiroth stands beside the desk, looking totally bored. Rufus Shin-ra is running the lights, and Hojo's assistant Mervin is running the camera.)  
  
Danielle: Now, for my first guest, The great materia hunter and future lady of Wutai, Yuffie Kisaragi!  
  
(Everyone claps and when she comes in, I shake her hand as she sits on the sofa)  
  
Danielle: Hi Yuffie. I'm glad you could be here today.  
  
Yuffie: Hello Danielle, it's great to be here. Do you have any materia?  
  
Danielle: Don't even think about it girl.  
  
Yuffie: Rats! (she waves at Rufus) Hi Rufie honey!  
  
(Rufus sweatdrops)  
  
Rufus: My name is not 'Rufie' it's Rufus! Can't you get it right brat?  
  
Danielle: Rufus, don't antagonize the guests. Now Yuffie, I see you are straight to the point about the materia. Care to explain your infatuation with the magical orbs?  
  
Yuffie: Sure. When Sephiroth led the Shinra to victory in the Wutai war... my homeland was discraced and became a tourist trap. My father, Godo, was totally humiliated and wanted nothing to do with Wutai anymore. I wouldn't stand for that so I told him off and left Wutai to gather materia so we could become the mighty nation we once were.  
  
Sephiroth: That wasn't my fault. I only did as ordered Yuffie. Don't hate me.  
  
Yuffie: I don't, but you are still in trouble for summoning Meteor. You have to go clean up Midgar.  
  
Sephiroth: By myself!?!?!?  
  
Yuffie: Duh! Of course not! You're only one man and Hojo's monsters have increased their population there.  
  
Danielle: I'll help.  
  
Yuffie: So will Avalanche.  
  
(Avalanche is at the villa in Costa del Sol watching everything. Cloud spits out his coke.)  
  
Cloud: WHAT!?!?  
  
Tifa: When I get a hold of her...  
  
Barret: That lousy b*&^h!!  
  
(Back at the studio)  
  
Yuffie: Uhhh.... did I forget to tell them again? (puts a hand on her chin and thinks)  
  
Danielle: Yuffie, if I may ask, what is your favorite materia?  
  
Yuffie: That's easy! I have two favorites! Leviathan, because he's the Wutaian water god, and Phoenix, because she's the Wutaian goddess of life!  
  
Danielle:(looking at audience) Now, for my next guest, He's the best pilot since the time of Setzer Giabanni and he has the swear words for the title. Yuffie's father figure and fellow Avalanche member, Cid Highwind!  
  
(Everyone claps and I shake his hand as he sits on the chair)  
  
Danielle: Cid, this is a no smoking area.  
  
Cid: Screw that!  
  
Danielle: Cid...  
  
Cid: I will not throw away my precious cigarette!  
  
Sephiroth: Get rid of it Highwind or face the consequences...  
  
(He unsheathes the Masamune and holds it in front of his face)  
  
(Cid pales and Reno runs onstage swiping the cigarette and throws it away)  
  
Cid: Damn it!  
  
Danielle: Oh shut up, you can have one later. Now, what made you become Yuffie's father figure?  
  
Cid: Well... a few years ago, I had a wife before I met Shera. We had a kid and his name was Joseph. My wife's name was Scarlet.  
  
(In the Villa...)  
  
(Cloud spits out another mouthful of coke and all of Avalanche's jaws drop to the floor.)  
  
Tifa: Cid... and that bi&^h Scarlet!?  
  
Barret: Oh my dear f&^%ing gods...  
  
Vincent: ....  
  
(In the studio)  
  
Cid: Yeah, Scarlet the Head of Weapons in Shinra. Anyway, we divorced soon after Joseph was born and I got custody of him. He grew up liking planes just as much as me. We were flying one day and we had an engine problem. We crashed....and Joseph didn't make it. Yuffie reminded me of Joseph so much. She had told us how Godo always fought with her and I realized she was lonely. So, I sort of became her father figure since Godo was doing a lousy job.  
  
Yuffie: Wow... (she wipes a tear) ... Cid... you're the best!  
  
(Danielle smiles)  
  
Danielle: What is your opinon about Yuffie's constant materia theft though Cid?  
  
Cid: I really don't like it, but I understand her goal. I'll help her re- build Wutai....but I want you to stop stealing stuff...ok Yuffie?  
  
Yuffie: Ok! (she hugs Cid) Thanks!  
  
Audience: Awww....  
  
(Suddenly, a crash is heard from backstage and muffled cursing)  
  
(Danielle hits her intercom)  
  
Danielle: Reno! What the hell is going on back there!?!?  
  
Reno: We have a psycho b*&^h who wants to see Cid!  
  
Rude: This woman is supposed to be dead! Battle stations Danielle, It's Scarlet!!  
  
(Intercom goes dead as Scarlet runs onstage, her hair singed and a burn going up her left arm. She's still dressed in a red dress.)  
  
Scarlet: Cid! You BA#%^&D!!! YOU KILLED JOSEPH!!!  
  
(Scarlet pulls out a gun)  
  
Scarlet: Go to hell Cid!!  
  
(She fires, but Yuffie jumps in front of Cid and takes it for him)  
  
(Yuffie falls into his lap, her left side bleeding)  
  
Cid: Yuffie!!  
  
(Sephiroth runs forward, sword drawn and Danielle pulls out her gun, jumps over her desk, and begins shooting the hell out of Scarlet)  
  
Scarlet: Ugh! Damn... you... Cid...  
  
(Scarlet dies)  
  
Danielle: Reno! Get Scarlet's lousy corpse off of my set and Rude, quick call an ambulance!  
  
(Reno and Rude get to work)  
  
(A few mins later, Yuffie is carried away on a stretcher cursing Scarlet and Cid is at her side, using every swear word in his extensive vocabulary effectively naming Scarlet each time.)  
  
Danielle: This has been another exciting episode of....  
  
The Final Fantasy Epic Stars!  
  
Sephiroth: Hurry Danielle, let's follow the ambulance.  
  
Danielle: Ok. I'll see you all next week, same time, same place, when I have a special guest on the show! I'm not going to tell you who though! See you all then!  
  
(Lights dim as Danielle and Sephiroth run out to Danielle's blue mustang and follow Yuffie to the hospital)  
  
  
  
Author's Notes: Ok you guys, what did you think!? I want reviews for this chapter! Just so I won't get flamed, I want to say that I have no thing against Yuffie, in fact she's one of my top three favorites! Sephiroth and Aeris being #1 and #2. I had to do something dramatic to set up the next episode. All flames go to MellowMoonGirl@Aol.com and all compliments go to princess_quistis@hotmail.com  
  
To all those who care, I need a special guest! I was thinking Aeris, Cloud, and Tifa, but that's too obvious. Someone care to send me ideas? Please?  
  
Again, Squaresoft owns all these fabulous people except for Danielle, she's mine. (I still wanna own Sephy soooooo much!!!)  
  
L8A!!! 


	3. Episode 3 The Love Triangle of Death

The Final Fantasy Epic Stars!  
  
(Episode 3 The Love Triangle of Death)  
  
Danielle: Hello and welcome once again to my show, the Final Fantasy Epic stars. In the last and final part of the FF7 installment, I am having 3 special guests today. (motions to all bodyguards, Sephiroth included) Guys, be ready, this is NOT going to be pretty. (They nod and spread out and Sephiroth stands by my desk) Anyway, my first 2 guests are Cloud Strife and Tifa Lockheart! Everyone, puts your hands together for the Heroes of the Planet!  
  
(The audience applauds and I shake their hands as they sit on the couch)  
  
Danielle: Welcome to the show.  
  
Tifa: It's great to be here.  
  
Cloud: Hello Danielle.  
  
Sephiroth: Hello Cloud, Tifa.  
  
(Tifa and Cloud nod to him but really ignore him)  
  
Danielle: Anyway, after the whole Meteor thing, would you care to explain what you and Avalanche have been doing?  
  
Cloud: Well, Tifa and I moved into the Villa in Costa del Sol because Nibelheim wasn't the same anymore. Barret went back to Corel and has re- built it. Cid went back to Rocket Town and married Shera. Yuffie took most of the useless materia we never used and headed back to Wutai. Vincent is staying in the Shinra Mansion and Reeve is in Junon. Red went back to Cosmo Canyon and has found information on the Gi Tribe which has kept him busy for weeks.  
  
Danielle: Well, that would be time consuming. Now, about your relationship...  
  
Tifa: Umm... Cloud, is this topic up for discussion?  
  
Cloud: We have to. Danielle threatened me with bodily harm if I avoided the subject.  
  
Tifa: Oh, well ok. Right now, Danielle, we've gone on a few dates, but nothing official just yet.  
  
Cloud: Actually... (he slips a ring on her finger) Will you marry me?  
  
(Tifa gasps and hugs him)  
  
Tifa: Cloud... I...  
  
Voice from offstage: WON'T!  
  
Cloud and Tifa: Nani???  
  
(Danielle hits her head.)  
  
Danielle: Seph! You told me she'd be out for another 20 minutes!!  
  
Sephiroth: I had no idea the sleep spell would wear off so soon.  
  
(Suddenly, a mad Aeris walks in, Reno and Rude trying to restrain her frantic rebellion)  
  
Aeris: Cloud!!! I can't believe you forgot about me so soon!  
  
Cloud: AERIS!? You're dead!  
  
Aeris: No I'm not! By the almighty power of the author, I magically survived the wound.  
  
Cloud: Danielle!?  
  
(Danielle sweatdrops and puts her hands up defensively)  
  
Danielle: I couldn't help it!  
  
(Tifa and Aeris glare at each other and a huge catfight ensues)  
  
Danielle: Let's go to commercial.  
  
**Commercial**  
  
(Palmer walks onscreen)  
  
Palmer: Hello everyone, I'm Palmer and I'm here to advertise the new product from Shinra. LARD!  
  
A/N: Ok, I'm nuts. I needed a commercial!  
  
Palmer: Lard is great for everything! Tea, Coffee, Coke, Fixing a leak...  
  
(Palmer drones on and on til Finally, Danielle gets her gun)  
  
Danielle: END COMMERCIAL! (She shoots the fat man and he dies)  
  
(Reno and Rude come out and clean the mess)  
  
(Tifa and Aeris are restrained in chairs)  
  
Danielle: Now Aeris, tell me, why is it you like Cloud so much?  
  
Aeris: He reminds me of my old boyfriend Zack, but I also know that he is totally different and I love him just the way he is.  
  
Danielle: Tifa?  
  
Tifa: I love him for everything he's done for me and for his personality and for just being himself.  
  
Danielle: Cloud, do you have anything to say?  
  
Cloud: Actually, I do. I'm sick of both of you acting like twits! Danielle, what room did you say Yuffie was in?  
  
Danielle: 534, why?  
  
Cloud: I'll go out with Yuffie since you two are too immature.  
  
(Tifa and Aeris protest and begin blaming each other as Cloud exits)  
  
(Danielle sweatdrops)  
  
Danielle: That's all for tonight folks! See you next week! Same time, same place when I begin my next installment of Final Fantasy heroes. I will be interviewing Edgar Figaro and Terra Branford from the Returners of Final Fantasy 6. See you next time on...  
  
The Final Fantasy Epic Stars!  
  
(Danielle and everyone else leave and the lights go out on a protesting Tifa and Aeris since they are still restrained in their chairs.)  
  
(Scene cuts to Yuffie's room in the hospital where Cloud is asking a beet red Yuffie out to dinner.)  
  
Cloud: Yuffie, will you go out with me?  
  
Yuffie: Oh GAWD! (She chunks her master throw materia at his head and knocks him out)  
  
(Scene fades to black) 


	4. Episode 4 Memories of Kefka

Episode 4- Kefka's Memories  
  
A/N: HEY!!! Only three reviews for my whole story!?!? I'm beginning to think you people don't like me! :*( I want reviews!!! *pouts like a cute baby* Pwease???  
  
Danielle: Hello and welcome to my show, The Final Fantasy Epic Stars! In the first part of my FF6 installment, I will be interviewing Terra Branford and Edgar Figaro of the Returners. *looks at the audience* Hey, Samantha, I know you're there!  
  
Samantha: Hi Danielle! Is HE here?  
  
Danielle: Later Samantha. He's doing his job right now.  
  
*Samantha pouts and walks on the set. She sits in the chair I set next to my desk for her*  
  
Danielle: *hits the intercom* are all bodyguards in their position?  
  
Vincent: Everyone but Sephiroth, I haven't seen him today, have you?  
  
Danielle: No... Samantha, you seen him?  
  
Samantha: I think I saw him being dragged to the mall.  
  
Danielle: *slightly angry* By who...?  
  
Samantha: Aeris.  
  
Danielle: Reno! Go to commercial! *She gets her gun and sword, The Blade of Fate, and hops in her mustang and drives off*  
  
*Commercial*  
  
*Reno, Rude and Elena walk onstage.*  
  
Reno: Hello, we're here to advertise our newest product, the Turk Switchblade!  
  
Elena: This is like no ordinary blade. It does many things, most of which are surprises! Call now at 1-800-559-Turk!!  
  
*End Commercial*  
  
Samantha: Well, umm.... until Danielle returns I guess I'm the host.  
  
Audience: Oh-no...  
  
*Samantha hits the intercom*  
  
Samantha: Vincent, come out here please.  
  
*Vincent comes onstage*  
  
Vincent: Yes Samantha?  
  
*Samantha is suddenly latched on his waist*  
  
Samantha: Be my boyfriend..?  
  
Vincent: No.  
  
Samantha: Please?  
  
Vincent: No.  
  
*They argue for about an hour and I finally return dragging Sephiroth along by the ear.*  
  
Sephiroth: OWW! Not the ear!  
  
Danielle: Samantha, Leave Vincent alone! Vincent, return to your post. Sephiroth, go back to the dressing room. I'll deal with you later.  
  
*Samantha returns to her seat and Vincent and Seph leave, Seph hanging his head in shame*  
  
Samantha: What happened?  
  
Danielle: Nothing. Now, before I lose it, let's bring out my first guest! She's half-human and Half-esper, the daughter of Maduin, and a kick-butt fighter, everyone, Welcome Terra Branford!  
  
*Everyone claps as Terra comes onstage. I shake her hand as she sits down on the sofa*  
  
Terra: Hi Danielle, Samantha. It's great to be here.  
  
Danielle: Welcome to the show. Now, would you care to tell me what it was like when you first started out?  
  
Terra: It was a nightmare. I was kidnapped by Gestahl when I was a baby and raised to fight for the Empire. Celes was too. We were both Magitek Warriors. The sideline and advantage: We had magic. Celes was brought up to be a General and I was made into a slave with a slave crown when I got too rebellious. Kefka was a pain in the ass. That laugh of his still gives me nightmares.  
  
Danielle: Me too. *glares at one of the men backstage who sneers evilly*  
  
Terra: When I was forced to attack Narshe, I managed to get the slave crown off with help from Arvis. I then joined the Returners at Locke and Edgar's insistance. Kefka killed the Emperor and we killed Kefka.  
  
Danielle: Interesting. Now, for my next guest, He's a mechanic and a lady's man, King of Figaro and brother to Sabin, Welcome Edgar Figaro!  
  
*Everyone claps and I shake his hand as he sits next to Terra*  
  
Danielle: Hi Edgar, welcome to the show.  
  
Edgar: It's great to be here.  
  
Danielle: So, What was your reaction to Terra when you first met her?  
  
Edgar: I was still the serious flirt back then so I started checking her out. She got a little mad.  
  
Terra: A little? You turned around and started going on about my beauty! It was embarrassing!!  
  
*Danielle giggles*  
  
Danielle: What was your reaction when you learned she had magic?  
  
Edgar: Locke and I freaked out. We thought it was awesome and we talked her into joining the Returners.  
  
Terra: It was better than working for the Empire.  
  
Danielle: So... are you two like, dating or anything?  
  
Edgar: Well... kind of. We hang out together alot, but nothing like that really.  
  
Terra: He's right. I really don't have time to date. I still have to take care of the orphans in Mobliz.  
  
Man backstage: Must kill Esper girl... Must rule world... *Evil Laugh that everyone recognises*  
  
Terra & Edgar: NANI????  
  
Danielle: Oh God, Why me? Hey... Where's Samantha?  
  
(Backstage)  
  
Samantha: Please?  
  
Vincent: No.  
  
*Vincent turns into Chaos and hurts her really bad. She is taken to the hospital by the Turks*  
  
(On set)  
  
Danielle: Oh well.  
  
*Laughter*  
  
Danielle: Who's there?  
  
*A man in bright clothes, a feather on his head, and what looks like clown paint comes on the set*  
  
Terra: KEFKA!? I killed your sorry ass!  
  
Edgar, into cell phone: All Returners get up here now!!! Kefka's alive!  
  
Danielle: I didn't do it this time! I swear!  
  
Kefka: Danielle, I'm hurt... I thought you liked me?  
  
Danielle: Nani!?!?  
  
Kefka: You seemed to enjoy our time together last night...  
  
Danielle: Whatever! I'd rather shoot myself in the head than do ANYTHING with you!  
  
Kefka: You didn't say that yesterday.  
  
Danielle: Forget the Returners! I'll kick your ass myself!!!  
  
*Danielle and Terra draw their swords and begin using a chain of Ultimas*  
  
Kefka: Ow!! *He hits Terra, knocking her out.*  
  
Danielle: Ohhh.... That is so it.  
  
*Danielle stops her magic and attacks Kefka furiously, chopping him into a million pieces*  
  
Danielle: Hah!  
  
*Reno and Rude clean up the set as Danielle begins closing the interview*  
  
Danielle: Well, That's all for this week! Now, before I lose my sanity over these crazy people who attack my set, I'll see you next time on....  
  
The Final Fantasy Epic Stars!  
  
Be here next week, same time, same place as I interview Setzer Giabanni and Gogo of the Returners!  
  
*Danielle stomps backstage after the cameras go off to deal with Sephiroth.*  
  
(In Yuffie & Samantha's room in the hospital...)  
  
Samantha: When I get ahold of Vincent Valentine....  
  
Yuffie: Don't worry about it. *She is still knocking Cloud out with her master Throw materia*  
  
Samantha: Hey! That looks like fun! *Catches the materia and begins hitting Cloud with it.*  
  
Cloud: x . x owww..... 


	5. Episode 5 Gogo's Secret

The Final Fantasy Epic Stars!  
  
Episode 5 (Gogo's Secret)  
  
Danielle: Hello and welcome once again to the show. I'm Danielle, your host...  
  
Samantha:(wrapped in bandages and a broken leg): ...And I'm Samantha, your co-host.  
  
Danielle: Today we'll be interviewing Setzer Giabanni and the mime known as Gogo in the second part of my FF6 installment.  
  
Samantha: So... what happened with you and Aeris yesterday?  
  
Danielle: You mean after you told me she and Seph were at the mall?  
  
Samantha: Yeah!!! So, what happened? Inquireing minds want to know.  
  
Danielle: Nothing happened.  
  
Samantha: Really? Then let's go to the tape.  
  
*Samantha restrains Danielle in her chair and pulls out a video and puts it in the VCR connected to the Big Screen TV. She pushes play and a picture of the mall entrance is shown*  
  
Danielle: Who taped this for you??  
  
Samantha: Cid.  
  
*Danielle looks at the camera*  
  
Danielle: Highwind!!! You are SO dead!!!  
  
(In Yuffie's hospital room...)  
  
Cid: I knew I shouldn't have gone along with this. Yuffie, are you ready to go back to Wutai?  
  
Yuffie: Yeah, Cloud got away... Let's leave the country before she comes looking for you.  
  
(Back on the set...)  
  
*The picture shows Danielle running into the mall, sword drawn and gun loaded.*  
  
*Danielle: (On tape): Has anyone seen Aeris Gainsburough?  
  
*Fans: It's Danielle from TFFES!!!  
  
*Danielle signs a lot of autographs and is soon told that Aeris and Sephiroth were seen near the jewelry store*  
  
(In the store...)  
  
Aeris: Uh-oh...  
  
Sephiroth: Umm......hi Danielle....  
  
Danielle: SEPHIROTH!!! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU F^&*ING DOING HERE!!? WITH AERIS NO LESS!?!?!?  
  
Sephiroth: Danielle... calm down...  
  
Danielle: CALM DOWN!?!? CALM DOWN!?!?!?!? I'M ABOUT TO KICK BOTH YOUR SORRY ASSES AND ALL YOU SAY TO ME IS CALM DOWN!?  
  
Sephiroth: Danielle, I can explain...  
  
Danielle: SAVE IT!!!  
  
*Danielle kicks both their butts and leaves Aeris in severe pain and drags Sephiroth out by the ear*  
  
*The screen goes blank*  
  
*The audience and Samantha are roaring with laughter.*  
  
Danielle: Ok, ok, so I was mad, so sue me!  
  
Samantha: You have no idea WHY they were there...do you? *She wipes tears from her eyes.*  
  
Danielle: For all I know, he may have been sneaking out to see her for a long time!  
  
Samantha: Seph, come here and tell her WHY you were in that store!  
  
*Sephiroth walks onstage*  
  
Sephiroth: Umm.... Danielle....  
  
Danielle: This had better be good. Samantha, let me out of this chair!!  
  
*Samantha releases her and Sephiroth fumbles in his pocket for something.*  
  
Sephiroth: I was with Aeris so she could help me pick this out for you.  
  
*He held out a box of black velvet*  
  
*He kneels and takes her hand*  
  
Sephiroth: Marry me... please Danielle?  
  
Danielle: Wha....? Um.... ok..... *is dazed*  
  
*He puts the ring on her hand and stands near the desk for his role as bodyguard*  
  
Samantha: Seeing as Danielle is too shocked to speak at the moment, I'll introduce our guests. They are, the great pilot himself Setzer Giabanni and the ever silent Gogo!  
  
*They come onstage and shake Samantha's hand.*  
  
Setzer: Wow! What a babe! *making eyes at Danielle*  
  
Sephiroth: She's engaged you baka. Don't even think about it.  
  
Setzer: Damn! What about you? *points to Samantha*  
  
Samantha: I'm a loyal fangirl of Vincent. I cannot have a relationship until he chooses a fangirl to be his wife.  
  
Setzer: Oh, I give up.  
  
Samantha: Well, Setzer, what was it like to be a part of the Returners?  
  
Setzer: Well, at first, I really had no intention of joining. I was just going to Get Maria to marry me and be a happy man. Locke, Cyan, Celes, and Edgar tricked me good. Celes impersonated Maria in the opera and I grabbed her instead. I tried to get her to marry me in the airship and she tricked me with a two headed coin. I didn't mind though. So, I took them to the Imperial Continent. After the world went through the Magical Armegeddon, I was a lost fool. My Airship, The Orion, was destroyed and I thought the others were dead. Celes, Sabin, and Edgar found me in a bar and talked me into the fight once again. I led them down into Daryl's Tomb, and we retrieved her airship, The Falcon. She left it to me when she died, and I missed her so much, I restored it and put it to rest with her. Now, it's a blast!  
  
Samantha: Gogo?  
  
Gogo: I learn new mime skills.  
  
Samantha: And?  
  
Gogo: ......  
  
Setzer: Gogo doesn't talk much.  
  
Danielle: *Still dazed*  
  
Samantha: While I snap Danielle out of her trance, we're going to commercial. Be right back.  
  
*Commercial:*  
  
Cloud: Does you hair totally get unruly? Does it not obey when you try to style it? Do you just want to hack it all off?  
  
Well, now, you won't have to! Buy Omni-Slash hair gel! Guaranteed to make your hair shiny and stay in the newest fashion trends! Call now at 1-800-554-OMNI!!! *End commercial*  
  
Danielle: And we're back! Sorry about the zoning out folks! I'm just worried about whats gonna happen to me when Cloud finds out I beat up Aeris for her being with Sephy.  
  
Cloud: WHAT!?!?!?!!!  
  
*He comes in from backstage holding his Ultima Weapon menacingly.*  
  
Danielle: Samantha! You used Cloud's commercial today!?  
  
Samantha: Oops! Sowwie!  
  
*Sephiroth steps forward holding the Masamune*  
  
Sephiroth: Let's take this backstage, Strife.  
  
Cloud: Let me at her....!  
  
*Sephiroth drags Cloud backstage and they begin fighting*  
  
Danielle: Anyway, Gogo, people want to know. Who are you really?  
  
Gogo: You really think I'm going to tell you?  
  
Danielle: You will if you want your body in one piece after this show.  
  
Gogo: O . O; Alright, alright... In actuality.... I am....  
  
*He pulls off his cloak to reveal Emporer Gestahl*  
  
Daniele & Setzer: NANI!?  
  
Gestahl: I was angry at Kefka, so I studied mime to make myself strong. I was going to leave the Zone Eater a few days after the day the Returners found me. I would find them and present myself to join their cause. They found me instead.  
  
Setzer: Oh god... Celes and Terra are going to be so pissed...  
  
Danielle: Well, before two raving sorceresses show up, I'm going to conclude today's episode. See you next week! Same time, Same place, as I interview Celes Chere and Locke Cole from the Returners in my final FF6 installment. Bye!  
  
A/N: Ok! Another episode, finished. Now, I have Algebra homework so when I come back, I want reviews! REVIEW! *points to review starved author* PLEASE!?!? L8a! OH! And thanks To Arashi and Borelia for giving me ideas for my epic! Read Negawakuha and their storys! 


End file.
